Showing newest posts with label Feud. Show older posts
Showing newest posts with label Feud. Show older posts

Sunday, July 20, 2008


Just prepping you... today while I was mowing the lawn wifey was taking pictures of me, so either there's the hottest new male porn site coming down the pike, or I imagine we'll be getting a visit from a local enforcer of some kind this week...

Friday, July 18, 2008

As the fewd turns

Well, the fucking morons called the health department on me. Now, I will have to say, they qualify for the "fucking morons" statement wholeheartedly due to their complaint.

I'm sitting here, working when the doorbell rings. It's a member of the Clermont County Health Department, they've received an "anonymous" tip that I'm dumping yard waste and animal feces in such a way that it is causing a smell for my neighbors.

I take him back to the area of the yard that I use for such a purpose, the far right corner. I dump my clippings back there but the dog poop is only accidental accumulation due to either bag pickup or the dogs actively going back there and pooping in the pile.

So why do they qualify for fucking morons? Because the idiots dump their clippings literally on the other side of the fence from mine. He walked back there and said "Well, I really don't smell anything other than some molding grass and with your neighbor doing the same thing, it's hard to tell where it's coming from if anywhere. Since it was an anonymous report, I'm not going to fill out any paperwork just make sure you clean up any dog feces and leave it at that."

What the idiots apparently don't know is that it is local law that if you have a pool you have to have a gate locked at all times around it. Guess who doesn't. Two can play the "let's call the authorities" game.

More to follow, I'm sure of it.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

The feud continues

I had to fight the urge to type "fewd" there.

So after my marathon typing earlier today who knew that there would be an update to the story so soon? I won't lie, I expected one.

So my kids come home and they want to play outside. Since my wife was going out after work with some of her friends, I figured it would be OK for them to play while I made dinner and what not, so I reminded the kids not to go over to the fence, just stay by the swingset and play. Kids being kids, they weren't happy with that, especially since the grandkid was over next door, so I went outside and played some tee ball with them to keep them where they were supposed to be.

After about 30 minutes, we head back inside where I make some "good" mac and cheese for them and feed everybody up while we watch the Simpsons. After dinner they want to go back out. A quick look out back did not show any neighbor activity, so I sent them out while I intended to focus on the dishes. I start emptying the dishwasher and turn around just in time to see my 2 year old making a beeline for the fence screaming for Wifey. Wifey obliges and comes out and proceeds to give him a flower from their garden (a habit they were into long before this feud started). I immediately head outside as now that my daughter has seen floral gifts she wants one too. I get to the fence just in time to stop that transfer and calmly explain to Wifey that it doesn't work like that. She doesn't get to try and butter up my kids less than 24 hours after screaming at me in the front yard about how I killed their cat. I said that I knew she was only trying to be nice to my kids and I appreciated that effort but it was unacceptable and unwelcome, she was to have nothing to do with any member of my family. I was then told to "grow up, they're only children" to which I replied "I am grown up, I'm trying to protect my children from what I perceive to be your mistakes by allowing him to continue to live there. Please stay away from my children and I will make every effort to prevent them from bothering you as well." I think I hurt her feelings when I said that, but frankly I don't care anymore. I am tired of being accused of being the bad guy when all I was trying to do was be a good neighbor.

Lesson officially learned. Screw everyone except blood and proven friends. Trust noone and always assume they are out for personal gain exclusively. It's not a lesson I wanted to teach my kids, especially not so young, but I guess the earlier they start preparing for the "real" world, the better off they'll be in the long run. I can honestly say I didn't picture it going down like this, but whatcha gonna do?

Me and the neighbors, we be afeudin'

Ok - so those three of you who actually come to this blog have bits and pieces of the story and I figured to save my typing via IM repeatedly I'd just post the whole thing here, then you can just receive a link.

I have the strangest neighbors I have ever met. The house, intermittently, contains the wife, the husband, and the exhusband. The wife is one of those people you meet and she doesn't know when to shut up, she will tell you her entire life story within the first 5 minutes of meeting her, including details you wouldn't normally share with close family members. The husband is an alcoholic, drug abusing, wife beater who hasn't had a job the entire time they've lived there. The Ex-Husband seems to be a nice guy, he doesn't really talk much, keeps to himself goes to work, comes home.

So they've lived next door for about 5 years now. The house is in her parent's name as all of their credit is so bad even in the height of the subprime mortgage phase, they didn't qualify. In the past 5 years, the cops are at their house on average once a month. Sure they skip a month ever now and then, but they more than make up for it later. That I know of, she's been arrested 3 times for spousal abuse, the husband 7 times for spousal abuse, 3 times for drug related charges, 4 dui's, and a concealed weapon charge. The ex has gotten 2 dui's. The hubby has never spent a full year in the house, as he goes to jail an average of 3 months a year. We call it his winter sabbatical, cuz we're just witty like that. That's the overall background. Go ahead and grab a drink and hit the bathroom and I'll wait for the rest of the story...

Back? Good.

So back in late February/early March of this year (08) cops are called, he's beating her up again, he gets taken away, she files a restraining order against him. She made it a point to go to each of the neighbors and mention the restraining order and asked us to call the police if we saw him around the house. Things were quiet for a long time, the longest yet. Then suddenly at the beginning of June, he was back, just for a day. Weird I thought, but what business is it of mine, they weren't fighting, no harm no foul. The next day I'm sitting at the table on a work conference call when the doorbell rings. I answer and find 2 Union Township Police Officers at my door. The say that they got a report of a domestic disturbance at my address and asked if my wife was home. I explained that she had left for work around 7:15 am and I was pretty sure that the address was wrong, they probably meant next door. Nothing doing, they search the house, I provide them with the wife's work number and a description of her car so they can confirm she's at work (she's quite busy most of the time and doesn't always answer her phone). They then go next door and, huh, what do you know, the call was meant for over there. A few hours pass, and I decide to be a good neighbor and go over to check and make sure she's ok. Hubby answers the door, shirtless (of course, I've never seen him in a shirt unless he's leaving for court) and immediately screams "Did you call the fucking cops?" I reply that I hadn't that they had, in fact, come to my house first and I was just stopping by to make sure everything was OK. Wifey comes out, I explain why I'm there and she seems to be appreciative. I call my wife and explain what just happened and she's concerned and confused, since we were asked to call the cops if he showed up, but now he's back. When my wife got home that evening we went out back and called over for neighbor wifey to come to the fenceline. We were calm and understanding and just asked for clarification on the "call the cops if he's around the house" issue which she reported was not a problem any more, he was only staying for a couple of days (she went into more detail but I'll spare you that). I expressed my concern given his violent nature and pending concealed weapon charge. Our children play with their grandkid quite often and didn't want to put them in harms way. She seemed to understand and reassured that he would be leaving soon. The issue was effectively over... or so we thought.

About a week passes, hubby is still around, but I'm just minding my own business. I won't lie, I kept the kids inside that week waiting for him to leave. They start whining about wanting to go out and swing, so I head out there with them and they immediately run to the fence to talk to the grandkid. I sit down on the deck and keep an eye out, but I'm also working on a few things when I hear hubby call over the fence, he wants to talk to me. I say sure and walk over and away from the kids. He asks me what my fucking problem is with him (nice way to lead off a conversation, huh?). Given my nature and believing that it's too much work to be anything but brutally honest I told him. I said my problem is he's an alcoholic, drug addicting, wife beater and I don't want him around my children. He proceeds to get indignant that somebody would call it correctly and starts to attack me verbally (yeah, after 34 years being called fat really hurts me... I almost started weeping right there). He said he would never do anything to my kids, what fucking business is it of mine if he's over there. I calmly explain the situation, that after their last encounter we were told that he had a restraining order out against him, I didn't call the cops, but we had been asked to so we wanted clarification. He started puffing out his chest and calling me a punk ass bitch. I responded "Go ahead and hit me, I'd gladly take a punch to get your ass out of this neighborhood for at least 6 months. I'm not like your wife, I won't drop the charge." He sees I'm not joking so goes back in his house, but not before grabbing his crotch. I yelled over at him, "That's right keep checking to make sure it's there as it's the only thing you can lay claim to to being a man." (probably not the best thing to say, but it seemed funny at the time)

I gather the kids up and take them inside and make dinner. My wife comes home and I explain the situation of what went down to her, she rolls her eyes in a "you've opened your mouth again" kind of way and we move on to bigger and better things. About an hour later we take the kids out front and start talking with some of our other neighbors across the street. While the altercation did come up in that conversation, it was a quick mention and then we moved on. After about 30 minutes or so, Wifey and Hubby come out of their garage and start screaming across the street at me. How dare I call him an alcoholic, he'll take a drug test right now, what right do I have to say who can live in their house.... yadda yadda yadda. Not wanting to get my neighbors involved in what is quickly becoming a serious issue, I walk back across the street onto my property and calmly answer their accusations. I am not saying who can live in that house, I was answering a question that was asked of me, I'm sure you would piss clean right now, you have court in a week. He starts puffing out his chest again and I repeat my "throw a punch, I'd love it" line. He tells me again he'd never touch my kids, in fact he'd sacrifice his own life for my kids he was in the military, did I ever serve my country? (side note as I've pulled up his service records, he spent one week in basic and was booted)

My wife at this time decided that the police should probably become involved so she called them. Wifey and Hubby go running back in their house while I wait outside for UT's finest to arrive. They pull up and I explain my side to them. While I was talking Wifey came out and started screaming at them, to which they replied "Wifey (not going to use her real name at this point but they know her well), you KNOW how this works. Go back in your house and we will be over in a few minutes." So I finish up my side and explain that all I want is for my family to be left alone. I'm fine with not talking to them, acknowledging their presence on this planet, anything to not have a repeat of this situation. The cops say ok, and go over to talk with them. Same request is made, problem solved.... or so we thought.

Saturday, July 12th was a pretty decent day here in Cincy. We woke up, had breakfast, then left to take the kids to see a movie at the local theater. Then we headed up to Mason to have lunch with my parents then on to Xenia where we visited Young's Dairy Farm so the kids could play and have some ice cream. It was a great time, we have tons of pics. All told, we were away from the house from about 9:30am until about 6:00 pm with just one short trip back in between the movie and lunch so the kids could go to the bathroom and I could throw the extra seats in the back of the car. We got home, the kids laid down to rest a bit and I went outside to mow the lawn. I finished up around 8, Kerri had already fed the kids and I wasn't hungry so while I bathed and put them to bed for the night, Kerri went off to do some small grocery shopping. She comes back around 10 and says "two cops just pulled up in front of the neighbor's house." We figure he's just started hitting her again and feel vindicated that we were right, YEAH US!!! That is until the phone rings. It's our neighbors across the street. They tell us that Wifey and Hubby's outside cat has just been found dead and I jokingly say something along the lines of "oh, you know we'll get blamed for that too" Oh how little I knew. The way the story was relayed to me (My wife and the neighbor's wife were the ones on the phone) I thought the cat was found across the street. It was not until the next day when my phone rang and it was Steroided out Son In Law screaming at me that I discovered that the cat was found in our yard. Murphy really has a hard-on for me sometimes. That's when 2 and 2 got put together and we realized that the cops weren't called the previous night for a domestic disturbance, but to report that I had killed their cat.

So aside from being screamed at a few more times about how God is going to judge me, people see what I am, yadda yadda yadda, that's where we stand as of Sunday afternoon. I've been told that I can get a Civil Stalking restraining order out against them but we've yet to decide if we should go that route.

That's the story, I'll add more later as it unfolds.